Analyze Me
by deus ex caeli
Summary: Warning, crack pairing ahead! Done as a LJ request for the TWEWY community. Sho spends some quality time with his one true love... yes, I really am this twisted. Read if you're in the mood for a good laugh!


It was a quiet evening in the Dead God's Pad – or maybe it always appeared that way due to its shadowy atmosphere. The mission for the day had been assigned, leaving the hideaway mostly vacant save for a sole figure.

On one of the coffee tables, a collection of books was splayed haphazardly, opened to pages filled with numbers, equations, and other mathematical jargon. The topics ranged from geometry to calculus, supplemented by various informational charts. Their keeper skimmed them with an obsessive fascination, his finger sensually drifting back and forth over one line in particular.

"The sine of theta divided by the cosine of theta is equal to…"

Sho Minamimoto paused to lick his lips. "The tangent of theta. Ah, but inverse tangent, your curves…"

Sho rose slowly from his seat, grabbing for the graph in question. He traced the descending line, feeling an all too familiar stirring in his loins. He clutched either side of the table tightly, bracing himself over it. His cloudy gaze was locked on the object of his desire.

"So long," Sho gently rocked his hips forward. "So elegant… to lie derivative to you for but a single expression of my affection…"

His eyes half-lidded as he cooed his adoration to the sloping beauty. "Please, I want to calculate you. To evaluate each and every last one of your axes. I want—

He grunted, unable to suppress a needy thrust against the edge of the table. The knot in his stomach was growing tighter and tighter. Hastily, he relieved himself of his coat. He then climbed onto the table, prowling a path that hovered just above the teasing function.

"You complete me so," Sho whispering, picking up the book that contained his soon-to-be lover. He glided it open-faced along his bare chest, invoking a throaty moan. "I'm half an equation without you. Don't you know what you do to me?"

Lying on top of the messy pile he had made, Sho was in absolute nirvana. The others would be jealous, but he'd woo their loyalties back later. The moment demanded his one-on-one logarithmic liaison with the infamously hard-to-get inverse tangent. Somehow he knew they'd understand him; they always did. Regardless of their wishes, he wasn't about to pass up a once in a matrix opportunity like this.

"I'll go as slow as velocity allows," Sho promised, assuring the graph with a gentle smile. "One iota of pain, and I will deliver you _zetta_ pleasure. Just stay uniform, my delicious integer."

He stroked the book's spine, his free hand working at his belt. His pants were next, but an insistent knock at the door disturbed the pair's foreplay. The visitor didn't await a response, forsaking their privacy and strolling inside. It was none other than Mitsuki Konishi, and what a scene indeed the famed Iron Maiden had stumbled upon. She had intended to deliver the daily report, which immediately took a backseat to her railing shock upon spying the half-naked Sho draped across the table. She swallowed thickly and glanced elsewhere. He wasn't looking too happy with her intrusion.

"S-sir… may I ask w-what it is you're—

"Konishi," he addressed her sharply through narrowed eyes. Despite his obscene affair being discovered, he displayed no incentive towards abandoning his makeshift mattress. Mitsuki returned her attention to Sho, albeit very uneasily. His anger had settled, and disappeared entirely when he flashed a suggestive grin.

"Sir?" Mitsuki wasn't sure whether to be appalled or aroused. The young man definitely had a nice body, and she was certain he'd gladly throw those books away if _she_ were permitted her way with him.

She was apparently about to get her chance. Sho beckoned her forth with a single finger, stretching his body like a cat's. He flexed, running the tip of his tongue over his lower lip. His actions left little room for misinterpretation.

"Konishi, come here…"

Hypnotized, Mitsuki obeyed, stopping a short distance away from him. She figured he would make the first move, and waited patiently. An uneasy silence reigned, the grin yet to fade from Sho's face. She opened her mouth to interrupt it… after which she was tackled to the floor gasping for air.

"Listen, you insipid radian," Sho hissed, coiling his hands tighter around her throat. Her eyes were watering, yet he either didn't notice or didn't care. "You FOIL with me times two, and I'll factor you into negative territory. Understand?"

Mitsuki nodded as much as she was able in her current position. He stood, shooing her out. She was gone in seconds, leaving Sho and his beloved alone. He muttered frantic apologies to proverbial ears, drawing the book into his arms. He collapsed on the nearest couch and held it close to his chest. Drowsiness was fast setting in. Soon the mathematician was fast asleep, dreaming of his next fiery encounter with inverse tangent.


End file.
